I've decided to write an article about Donald Trump.
I could insult you all and say I support him; in fact I could insult you all by saying I don't support him.
Instead I will insult you all in an entirely different way. Just to prove that the mere mention of his name is enough to send droves of you here to read some ludicrous story or other about his love child, Justin Bieber, or that in fact, he is actually a cunningly disguised transgendered, threelegged wombat intend to overtake the world and sacrifice us to his god....who happens to be Mexican.
If you've got this far, thanks....you just fell through the worm hole that is Google.
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Stuck Down A Chilean Mine With The Girls Of The Playboy Mansion
An unlikely scenario I’ll grant you, however I have been inspired to seek wealth and fame in a, somewhat, unconventional manner by 33 dirty, smelly, hairy and quite frankly, scary looking Chilean miners who, bored and unsuccessful in their chosen careers as gold miners, decided to make the underground sequel to Brokeback Mountain. Yes, I too have heard the rumor that Samuel L. Jackson will play the lead role and will utter the line “I’ve had it with these mother f@#$ing Chileans in this mother f%$#ing mine”.
Yes, feted by Hollywood and the worlds press these before, unknown, men are now celebrities, media darlings and quite wealthy and all it took to achieve this was a few months spent in a dark hole; quite frankly, speaking as a man, I have often wanted to spend several months in a dark hole where Mrs. The Ranting of a Twisted Man can’t harass me.
Not wanting to be called a copycat (or ending up as someone’s bearded girlfriend) I have decided to forgo finding 32 other men to share the experience with and have cunningly decided to persuade the girls of the playboy mansion to join me; bikinis optional.
Problem 1. The girls, bless their ample hearts, are not known for their powerful intelligence and explaining to them that Chile is a place and not the sensation they feel when running naked through the mansion in an effort to escape Hugh and his Zimmer frame will be difficult.
Solution 1. The world famous Playboy mansion Grotto is certainly dark and while perhaps not dingy, will adequately suffice; once I have sealed the entrance with the mansions yearly supply of champagne, condoms and implants it will be virtually impregnable; well perhaps not impregnable but it should remain impenetrable for at least one, maybe two parties.
Problem 2. Hef, no doubt, will be wondering after a few days where his girls have gone and I (and probably the rest of the world) and no desire to find out what havoc a randy, Viagrafied Hugh will inflict; neither man nor beast will be safe and even supposing he kicks his little blue friends, I do not want to be responsible for the demise of the Pfizer pharmaceutical company.
Solution 2. A tricky one, and to solve this I will need the help of as many people as possible, male or female, it’s not important. If you’re idea of a hot date is to spend three months with an eighty something Adonis of love who answers to the name “daddy” then please visit www.iwanttobehhughsplaything.com and sign up.
Problem 3. As mentioned in problem 1, the girls are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and while the idea of playing nonstop twister and assuring them that, yes, your boobs look real, appeals in the short term, I fear that my interest may wane after awhile, in fact I am concerned that after a week I may actually prefer to be with those 33 dirty, smelly and don’t forget, hairy Chilean miners.
Solution 3. A rethink of the entire premise…
….leads to
Stuck On The Toilet With A Copy of Playboy Magazine
Perhaps not quite the same ring to it, but at least I will be famous….on You Tube anyway.
Yes, feted by Hollywood and the worlds press these before, unknown, men are now celebrities, media darlings and quite wealthy and all it took to achieve this was a few months spent in a dark hole; quite frankly, speaking as a man, I have often wanted to spend several months in a dark hole where Mrs. The Ranting of a Twisted Man can’t harass me.
Not wanting to be called a copycat (or ending up as someone’s bearded girlfriend) I have decided to forgo finding 32 other men to share the experience with and have cunningly decided to persuade the girls of the playboy mansion to join me; bikinis optional.
Problem 1. The girls, bless their ample hearts, are not known for their powerful intelligence and explaining to them that Chile is a place and not the sensation they feel when running naked through the mansion in an effort to escape Hugh and his Zimmer frame will be difficult.
Solution 1. The world famous Playboy mansion Grotto is certainly dark and while perhaps not dingy, will adequately suffice; once I have sealed the entrance with the mansions yearly supply of champagne, condoms and implants it will be virtually impregnable; well perhaps not impregnable but it should remain impenetrable for at least one, maybe two parties.
Problem 2. Hef, no doubt, will be wondering after a few days where his girls have gone and I (and probably the rest of the world) and no desire to find out what havoc a randy, Viagrafied Hugh will inflict; neither man nor beast will be safe and even supposing he kicks his little blue friends, I do not want to be responsible for the demise of the Pfizer pharmaceutical company.
Solution 2. A tricky one, and to solve this I will need the help of as many people as possible, male or female, it’s not important. If you’re idea of a hot date is to spend three months with an eighty something Adonis of love who answers to the name “daddy” then please visit www.iwanttobehhughsplaything.com and sign up.
Problem 3. As mentioned in problem 1, the girls are not the sharpest knives in the drawer, and while the idea of playing nonstop twister and assuring them that, yes, your boobs look real, appeals in the short term, I fear that my interest may wane after awhile, in fact I am concerned that after a week I may actually prefer to be with those 33 dirty, smelly and don’t forget, hairy Chilean miners.
Solution 3. A rethink of the entire premise…
….leads to
Stuck On The Toilet With A Copy of Playboy Magazine
Perhaps not quite the same ring to it, but at least I will be famous….on You Tube anyway.
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