Performance Enhancing Drugs and Why They Should Be Allowed.

Recently it has come to light that the world and Olympic 400m champion, LaShawn Merrit, tested positive for steroids found in a common penis enlargement product.


Being completely secure in my masculinity and unaware that such products exist or are even needed by men, my first reaction was “You dirty, rotten, cheating bastard!” All I’ve had to impress the opposite sex with was what God gave me. What chance do us “average” guys have in the face of such stiff competition! My second reaction was, “Idiot!” clearly Mr. Merrit has interpreted the phrase performance enhancing drugs, incorrectly. Oh dear, so much for the college scholarship!

It was only after watching a little track and field that it became apparent why poor LaShawn felt the need to self medicate. I will demonstrate by showing a picture of the Italian men’s sprint relay team.

Clearly the inadequacy he felt while lining up next to these Italian stallions was too much to handle. In fact South African sprinter, Caster Semenya, was so humiliated by having to compete against these manly men that he decided the only option left was to become a she.

Personally I believe that the use of penis enlargement products in men’s sprinting, cycling and swimming has reached an epidemic level. I challenge any male to sit through any one of these sporting events and to not wonder, just for a second, that maybe it wouldn’t hurt to open up the junk email folder and do something about the, well err, junk.

Who knows where this pill popping, potion swilling, and needle sticking frenzy will end. Picture if you will, the 2100 Olympics in Kabul, 100m men’s final. There, lined up in the starting blocks, 10 of the worlds “biggest” and most “developed” athletes, the likes of which we have never seen. The gun goes! The crowd explodes! The competitors stand up and it’s over; with one giant thrust of the pelvis.

The only stumbling block I can envisage is whether the advancement of lycra technology and its ability to stretch can keep up with the chemistry.

Of course there are downsides to this type of behavior. Take for example this picture of Bulgarian gymnast, Katarina Ivorbigun at her last competition. Needless to say, the jig is up for Katarina.

Yes, perhaps limit’s do need to put in place, but to me watching a ripped, muscular athlete cross the finish line as their biceps explode, seeing the marathon completed in under 5 minutes or the shot-put replaced with tank throwing is my idea of sport.